The 2-Minute New Mother Self-Compassion Pause
A gentle practice for the early weeks and months after birth
When to use this
When you feel overwhelmed, tearful, irritable, or numb
After a difficult feed, unsettled baby, or broken sleep
When guilt, comparison, or “I should be coping better” thoughts arise
Any moment you notice you’re being harsh with yourself
You can do this while holding your baby, feeding, or lying down.
Step 1: Name the moment (20–30 seconds)
Quietly say to yourself:
“This is a hard moment of new motherhood.”
Other options:
“This is really exhausting.”
“This is one of those moments.”
“This is harder than I expected.”
This helps your nervous system recognise reality rather than fight it.
Step 2: Normalise & connect (30–40 seconds)
Say one of the following, or create your own:
“Many mothers feel this way.”
“I’m not doing this wrong — this is just hard.”
“This stage is intense, not a personal failure.”
If helpful, add:
“Sleep deprivation changes everything.”
“My body and brain are still recovering.”
This counters isolation and shame, which are very common postpartum.
Step 3: Offer yourself care (30–40 seconds)
Place a hand on your chest, belly, or hold your baby close and say:
“May I be gentle with myself right now.”
Other options:
“May I give myself the care I need.”
“I’m allowed to be human.”
“I’m learning — this is new.”
Physical touch can be especially regulating in the perinatal period.
Step 4: One kind next step (20–30 seconds)
Ask yourself:
“What would help just a little right now?”
Examples:
Take three slow breaths
Adjust your position
Lower expectations for the next hour
Ask for help (or plan when you will)
Remind yourself: “This will pass.”
Keep it small — compassion in this phase is about survival, not optimisation.
A Short Version (for the hardest moments)
When you have almost no capacity:
“This is hard.”
“I’m not alone.”
“I’m doing the best I can today.”
That’s enough.
Common Barriers (and gentle re-frames)
“I shouldn’t need this.”
→ Needing compassion means you’re human, not weak.
“Other mothers cope better.”
→ You are seeing highlights, not hormones, nights, or nervous systems.
“I should be enjoying this more.”
→ Love and struggle often coexist in early motherhood.
Why This Matters in the Perinatal Period
New motherhood involves:
major hormonal shifts
sleep deprivation
identity changes
constant responsibility
heightened vigilance
Self-compassion helps by:
reducing guilt and shame
calming the stress response
supporting emotional regulation
protecting mental health during adjustment
A Closing Reminder for New Mothers
You are not meant to do this perfectly.
You are meant to do this humanly.