Why would ANYONE be a surrogate?
It’s a question we hear all the time.
At Lotus Health and Psychology, we provide pre- and post-surrogacy counselling for dozens of surrogacy arrangements each year. Our Director, Narelle Dickinson, has supported hundreds of surrogates and intending parents (IPs) over the past 15 years. To ensure our counselling remains evidence-based, we often look to research for insight, but when it comes to understanding why someone chooses to become a surrogate, there’s surprisingly little published data available.
So, in late 2023, our team decided to explore the question ourselves. We surveyed 84 current and past surrogates across Australia, asking them to share their personal motivations and experiences.
Our research revealed three main themes driving the decision to become a surrogate: Reward, Identity/Achievement, and Pay It Forward.
Motivation 1: Reward
While surrogates in Australia receive no financial or material gain (only reimbursement of expenses), many still described a deep personal reward. For some, it was the joy of helping others experience parenthood, a way of living out their own “helper” identity and contributing to something meaningful.
Several women shared that their own positive experiences with pregnancy inspired empathy for those unable to conceive. As one surrogate told us:
“I wish there were more surrogates because so many people would love to have a baby… it was put on my heart really young and I’m so glad to be involved in it now as an adult because I’ve learned and grown so much as a person.”
Others described wanting to experience another pregnancy without expanding their own family:
“I had my son at 17 and missed out on the positive experiences of being pregnant… as I got older, I wasn’t interested in having more children but still wanted that positive pregnancy experience.”
Many surrogates expressed pride and joy in creating families for others. One simply said:
“I created that family… wow, I did that.”
Motivation 2: Identity and Achievement
For some, surrogacy was part of a personal sense of purpose, something to achieve or an identity to embody. These surrogates often felt proud to represent and advocate for surrogacy, especially in a culture where it’s still not well understood.
“Most of the reactions I got were from people who didn’t really understand surrogacy. It’s still taboo and full of misconceptions. Being a surrogate gave me the opportunity to educate my family and friends about what it really is.”
This sense of achievement wasn’t necessarily about perfection, it was about fulfilling a deeply meaningful role and helping to change perceptions along the way.
Motivation 3: Pay It Forward
Many surrogates described surrogacy as a way to give back after receiving help or luck in creating their own families. Their motivation was rooted in gratitude and empathy.
“I’m in a same-sex marriage and needed a sperm donor to have my own children. Having gone through that process and receiving so much support, it made sense to offer that same gift to someone else.”
Some surrogates even extended their journey, undertaking “sibling journeys” or switching to different arrangements to continue supporting their IPs. Their message was clear: “Whatever you need, I’m with you.”
So, why would anyone be a surrogate?
Our findings show that surrogates do gain something from the experience, just not financially. The gain is emotional, psychological, and deeply personal. They describe connection, pride, purpose, and fulfilment.
In Australia, where surrogacy is strictly altruistic, these motivations highlight the generosity and humanity of those who choose this path. Finally, an answer for the question “Why would ANYONE be a surrogate???????”