Why Some Babies Cry More Than Others
At Lotus Health and Psychology, we often remind new parents that there’s no such thing as a “perfect” baby… or a “perfect” parent. The early months of life are full of uncertainty, and few experiences test our patience and self-doubt more than the sound of a baby who just won’t settle. But emerging research is helping us understand that how much a baby cries may have less to do with what parents are doing, and more to do with how that baby is wired from birth.
What the Research Tells Us
A recent large-scale Swedish study explored why some babies cry more than others. By comparing the crying behaviour of identical and fraternal twins, researchers were able to separate the effects of environment from biology. They found that genetics accounted for around half of crying behaviour at two months, and even more by five months.
So, while our soothing techniques and routines do matter, this study reminds us that some babies simply cry more; not because of anything their parents are doing wrong, but because that’s part of their unique temperament.
Letting Go of Guilt and Comparison
When a baby cries endlessly despite our best efforts, it’s easy to slip into guilt or comparison. But understanding that crying is often biologically driven can help soften that inner critic. Every baby arrives with their own sensitivities, rhythms, and ways of communicating. Recognising this can open the door to greater patience… and really importantly… and a gentler, more forgiving voice toward ourselves.
How Crying Changes Over Time
In the first few months, crying is mostly reflexive: it’s a way for babies to regulate their nervous systems and signal their basic needs. As they grow, it becomes more purposeful. By six to nine months, babies begin to understand that their cries can bring comfort and connection.
Over time, environment, temperament, and learned experiences all play a part. Paying close attention to your baby’s cues can help you tune into what they might be asking for, even when words are still far away.
Supporting Your Baby (and Yourself)
You may not be able to change how much your baby cries, but you can create calm and connection around those moments:
Create a soothing environment: Dim the lights, use gentle movement, or try swaddling to help your baby feel safe.
Establish predictable routines: Consistent rhythms of feeding, sleep, and play help babies feel secure.
Notice triggers: Overtiredness, hunger, or overstimulation often sit beneath sudden crying spells.
Use touch as reassurance: Skin-to-skin contact regulates both your baby’s body and your own.
Redirect with curiosity: Older babies often respond well to a change of scenery or a new focus.
Care for your own wellbeing: Babies are attuned to our emotional states. Taking a breath, stepping outside, or asking for help are powerful acts of care for both of you.
When Crying Might Signal Something More
Most crying is normal, but if it’s accompanied by symptoms such as fever, rash, breathing changes, poor feeding, or unusual lethargy, it’s important to check in with your healthcare provider. And if the constant crying begins to wear you down… as it so often can… please reach out for support. You don’t have to face that exhaustion alone.
The Gentle Reminder
Not every cry needs a solution. Sometimes, the most healing response is simply being present: holding your baby, breathing with them, and letting them know they are safe.
Crying is part of how babies learn to adapt to their world, and how parents grow in patience, empathy, and resilience. Even in the hardest moments, connection is being built between you and your child, one soothing breath at a time.